Akuma
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The Greates Writer Never Known
Posts: 7
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cramps
Aug 11, 2007 3:38:09 GMT -5
Post by Akuma on Aug 11, 2007 3:38:09 GMT -5
There was a joke on the show Titus, where Christopher Titus is in a room with a group of people, talking about his problems to his father, the very promiscuous Ken Titus, and Christopher says, "Well, none of these people have you for a father." Wherein Ken shoots back, "Don't be so sure." The most relevant thing I can think of. Loved that show--although, admittedly, I remember only one scene where his brother comes in the room with his girlfriend and says something like, "We were having sex in the car out in the parking lot. If you know what I mean." Not sure why I thought that was funny, now that I think of it.
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cramps
Aug 12, 2007 19:15:55 GMT -5
Post by dangerjane on Aug 12, 2007 19:15:55 GMT -5
I'm going to get horrible cramps soon
it makes me sad.
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afs
Full Member
Posts: 135
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cramps
Aug 12, 2007 19:33:50 GMT -5
Post by afs on Aug 12, 2007 19:33:50 GMT -5
There was a joke on the show Titus, where Christopher Titus is in a room with a group of people, talking about his problems to his father, the very promiscuous Ken Titus, and Christopher says, "Well, none of these people have you for a father." Wherein Ken shoots back, "Don't be so sure." The most relevant thing I can think of. Loved that show--although, admittedly, I remember only one scene where his brother comes in the room with his girlfriend and says something like, "We were having sex in the car out in the parking lot. If you know what I mean." Not sure why I thought that was funny, now that I think of it. It was a running joke in that episode. Dave would say, "Me and Nancy were just out in her car. Having sex, if you know what I mean." Or, "You could be taking this time to have sex with Erin, if you know what I mean." Finally Titus says back, "Dave everyone's cracked your little code." And at the end of the episode, Dave lies on his back, fills his mouth with milk, and lets a dog drink out of it (actually, the middle of the episode, they cut away the second time). That's just good TV.
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cramps
Aug 12, 2007 19:39:06 GMT -5
Post by dangerjane on Aug 12, 2007 19:39:06 GMT -5
I'm Nancy
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tsukiryoko
Full Member
There's a Skittle on the floor! Quick, grab it!
Posts: 109
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cramps
Aug 29, 2007 17:39:51 GMT -5
Post by tsukiryoko on Aug 29, 2007 17:39:51 GMT -5
I have no idea what you're talking about. You might see a doctor about it. However, while we're discussing weird biological inconveniences, what's with all the mucus? And sweat? And blood? I could do without it. Please. Mucus is nowhere near as bad as cramps. When explaining cramps to boys, I like using this analogy, which is shockingly accurate: It's Halloween, and you're getting ready to carve pumpkins, so you have to get all of the innards out of the pumpkins first. Know that sound that's made when the spoon scrapes against the pumpkin really hard and rips half of the pumpkin out with it? That's a cramp. Most cramps go on for a whole week. One whole week of scraping pumpkins REALLY hard with a metal spoon. Ouch.
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cramps
Aug 29, 2007 20:59:54 GMT -5
Post by kamikaze189 on Aug 29, 2007 20:59:54 GMT -5
The following are probably terrible ideas. And, as an anonymous non-doctor internet person, I hold no responsibility whatsoever for anything I ever say or do as an anonymous non-doctor internet person.
...but couldn't you not use a metal spoon on your... parts? Perhaps try using a garden hose on full blast. Or a vacuum cleaner!
I change my mind completely. These are great ideas. Great ideas that will put you in a hospital or embarass you eternally when your family sees what you're doing.
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tsukiryoko
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There's a Skittle on the floor! Quick, grab it!
Posts: 109
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cramps
Aug 29, 2007 22:29:53 GMT -5
Post by tsukiryoko on Aug 29, 2007 22:29:53 GMT -5
The following are probably terrible ideas. And, as an anonymous non-doctor internet person, I hold no responsibility whatsoever for anything I ever say or do as an anonymous non-doctor internet person. ...but couldn't you not use a metal spoon on your... parts? Perhaps try using a garden hose on full blast. Or a vacuum cleaner! I change my mind completely. These are great ideas. Great ideas that will put you in a hospital or embarass you eternally when your family sees what you're doing. A bullet to the brain sounds much more pleasant.
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DamaNegra
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Angolera de cora?ao
Posts: 169
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cramps
Aug 30, 2007 6:02:53 GMT -5
Post by DamaNegra on Aug 30, 2007 6:02:53 GMT -5
This has to be one of the most disturbing threads I have ever read in my entire life. Whose brilliant idea was to cramp a bunch of teens in a single thread? Whatever.
I'll make fun of y'all, though. I NEVER GET CRAMPS!! SO THERE!!!
(now i'm probably going to get the worst cramps ever recorded in history, just for being a bitch. ah, gotta love murphy)
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afs
Full Member
Posts: 135
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cramps
Sept 6, 2007 7:26:24 GMT -5
Post by afs on Sept 6, 2007 7:26:24 GMT -5
I always hear these strange analogies when it comes to one-gender anomalies. But guess what? Only women seem to use them.
For instance, child birth is compared to stretching your lower lip until it reaches the back of your head.
I don't think that's accurate, because one, child birth, is a natural and physically possible procedure, while the other, stretching your lower lip until it reaches the back of your head, can't be done, at least not without some serious repercussions OR being some kind of elastic-man.
This cramps/spoon/pumpkin analogy bugs me as well. I'd compare scraping out a pumpkins guts with scraping out a humans guts. I wouldn't say it's accurate at all when compared to cramps.
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DamaNegra
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Angolera de cora?ao
Posts: 169
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cramps
Sept 6, 2007 9:06:07 GMT -5
Post by DamaNegra on Sept 6, 2007 9:06:07 GMT -5
Yeah well, women like to exaggerate. Silly things
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tsukiryoko
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There's a Skittle on the floor! Quick, grab it!
Posts: 109
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cramps
Sept 6, 2007 23:16:35 GMT -5
Post by tsukiryoko on Sept 6, 2007 23:16:35 GMT -5
I always hear these strange analogies when it comes to one-gender anomalies. But guess what? Only women seem to use them. For instance, child birth is compared to stretching your lower lip until it reaches the back of your head. I don't think that's accurate, because one, child birth, is a natural and physically possible procedure, while the other, stretching your lower lip until it reaches the back of your head, can't be done, at least not without some serious repercussions OR being some kind of elastic-man. This cramps/spoon/pumpkin analogy bugs me as well. I'd compare scraping out a pumpkins guts with scraping out a humans guts. I wouldn't say it's accurate at all when compared to cramps. Remember, though, pain is different for each person, whether they scraped their knee, are having a baby, or are on their periods. Some women don't have cramps ever. Like that crazy churro. ( ) Other women have cramp so painful that it's debilitating, and no, these woman usually don't exaggerate. That's why many hysterectomies (spelling?) are dont, because of severely painful cramps and bleeding heavier than a rain in the jungle. Regardless of how intense the cramps, they do resemble the mental image of scraping out a pumpkin. The pain is in a weird spot, and it's very noticible for most. It actually feels like you're being scraped at, or your ovaries are duking it out.
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afs
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Posts: 135
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cramps
Sept 7, 2007 6:54:36 GMT -5
Post by afs on Sept 7, 2007 6:54:36 GMT -5
...woman usually don't exaggerate... bleeding heavier than a rain in the jungle. If I take that out of context, I make you look like a fool! All the same, women do tend to exaggerate. We should take a poll. See how sexist this board is. Keep in mind that I have no delusions about my sexism. I've had a kidney stone. For those of you who don't know, that's a build up of calcium that starts in your kidneys, and only has one place to go. And the great thing about this calcium build up is that it's not a smooth stone. No, it's a small, fucked up jagged rock. Oh, and mine, like most men's, was much larger than my urethra. It takes minutes to pass. It all makes for one hell of a bleeding experience. Pissing hurt for a week. Oh, and the pain. I haven't even mentioned the pain. I'm happy with this story. There was pain involved, there was blood involved. I didn't keep my kidney stone, but I saw it, and I was happy with the size. This is a story I can tell for the rest of my life. Good times... for a man. If I was a woman, I wouldn't be happy with this. Because my pain is just pain. Who can relate to that? I'd have to say, "You know that Chinese torcher where they stick that glass rod up your piss-hole and crack your dick with a hammer, to shatter the rod? It hurt as much as that." But, being a man, I have to deal with reality (a cheap shot, I know. That was for humor people.) It didn't hurt as much as that. It may have been the same kind of pain, but I don't know what the glass rod/hammer combo feels like. Dane Cook (the thief, and sometimes a stand-up comic) has a joke that goes something like this. "I broke up with my last girlfriend, because I don't like a girl who exaggerates... I'd go over to her house, and she'd, 'Oh my God, Dane, there was a fire down the street, and there was like a million fire fighters down there.' There was not. That'd be way too many fire fighters. They all'd be bumping into each other and shit. They'd be like, 'Who ordered a million fire fighters? If I had to guess, I'd say that there's a million of us. Is someone on the hoses?' Or she'd say, 'When I got home from work, I took a hindered hour nap.' No you did not. That'd be a coma, say you took a coma after work and I can follow the story. Say 'I took a nice coma after work' and I'd be, 'A hundred hours? Was it a hundred hours? Yeah, that's a nice coma.'" Anyway... if you find Dane Cook funny... you're a woman. Haha, just kidding. He has his moments. How about a poll? Over sexism, not Dane Cook. Fuck Dane Cook. Long Live Sexism! Woo.
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cathconns
Junior Member
Professional Threadkiller
Posts: 74
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cramps
Sept 7, 2007 19:30:26 GMT -5
Post by cathconns on Sept 7, 2007 19:30:26 GMT -5
Actually, I think I read somewhere that passing a kidney stone is the closest experience (pain wise) to childbirth, so you would be able to understand how childbirth feels. If I was a woman, I wouldn't be happy with this. Because my pain is just pain. Who can relate to that? I'd have to say, "You know that Chinese torcher where they stick that glass rod up your piss-hole and crack your dick with a hammer, to shatter the rod? It hurt as much as that." If you were a woman, you wouldn't have a dick.
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DamaNegra
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Angolera de cora?ao
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cramps
Sept 8, 2007 20:04:40 GMT -5
Post by DamaNegra on Sept 8, 2007 20:04:40 GMT -5
afs you're a sexist pig. Why are all men such jerks??
;D
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tsukiryoko
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There's a Skittle on the floor! Quick, grab it!
Posts: 109
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cramps
Sept 9, 2007 9:01:32 GMT -5
Post by tsukiryoko on Sept 9, 2007 9:01:32 GMT -5
afs you're a sexist pig. Why are all men such jerks?? ;D Scientists say it ocmes from the left teste. What? It's true.
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